Ellen Day One
by Chris CunninghamYesterday I was stunned by Pat calling me and telling me he needed me. I ran downstairs to see Him and annother person, Mike, running up to me. Mike held up a photo and said, "we need to recreate this"
Next thing I know, I am kneeling outside on wet pavement recreating a photo.
Further, that evening I was informed that I will now be flying down to LA to see Ellen. Because we here at Cleverpork Central are here for you, dear readers, I will be attempting to live blog as much of this experience as possible. Stay tuned right here for the updates!
Politican unable to control metal with mind
by Derek SchmidtTuesday, September 29
At a press conference in the Regan room of the capital building Representative Spencer Bachus (R-Al) was unable to take control of the steel pipe laying before him and shape the pipe to resemble a bald eagle, something that the Representative claimed on his twitter was a new power he had acquired after months of work with psychokinesis expert Cliff Spoon. Rep. Bachus commented that he was "low on vitamins A and K" and should have "not been up all night working on congressional stuff". When asked to specify "congressional stuff" Bachus declined to comment. For one hour and a half reporters and interested on-lookers watched Bachus stair at the steel pipe laying before him. Such a strain was put on the Representative that several times Bachus would let out a small fart, which he would try to cover with a cough. The fart was reported to be without any order. At one point the pipe did seem to move, but it was pointed out that the Representative had kicked one of the legs of the table the pipe was sitting on.
For months Bachus has been under the study of world renowned expert on psychokinesis Cliff Spoon, spending up to five hours a day with Spoon practicing mental exercises in a small shed on Bachus's property in Alabama. The specifics of those exercises are kept secret, though Bachus claims the exercises are "bad-ass". Spoon has publicly stated that he is not "attempting to make a super-race of god like individuals to enslave the rest of the human race" and that any claims of such manipulation and totalitarianism are "nearly false". When asked afterward why Bachus was unable to preform the eagle bend, Spoon said "There is no steel pipe, that is why Bachus failed because he thought there was a steel pipe. He needed to bend, not the pipe. That is the truth of the matter". When asked if Spoon knew he was more or less ripping off The Matrix Spoon threw explosives on the ground and in a smokey haze disappeared before the smoke cleared.
Air Race Barcelona
by Chris Cunningham
The Red Bull Air Race. The ultimate sport for ultimate athletes. Starting at 6:20 PM on Saturday October 3rd, there will be a live stream of the event right here from Barcelona after the break.
University convocation
by Chris Cunningham
Today is University Convocation. UO's welcome to new students. I'll be on the scene to make sure you, dear readers, get the full story! ...continue reading University convocation
The Swine Flu Pandemic (we’re all going to die)
by Chris Cunningham
Oh Shit. Swine Flu is coming! Everyone is trying to hide it by claiming that it is called H1N1. However, everyone knows that H1N1 stands for "Help! Nahhhgghahh!" So here is this Blogger's humble advice.
RUN AND HIDE UNTIL THIS IS ALL OVER! EXTREME ISOLATION!
hit the break to get the truth
...continue reading The Swine Flu Pandemic (we’re all going to die)
Wild Image Project
by Chris Cunninghamto kick off our Art portion of the site, we have a site referred to as the Wild Image Project.
All you need to know is that the image below is the front page image.
