The Swine Flu Pandemic (we’re all going to die)

This is fear in physical form

Oh Shit. Swine Flu is coming! Everyone is trying to hide it by claiming that it is called H1N1. However, everyone knows that H1N1 stands for “Help! Nahhhgghahh!” So here is this Blogger’s humble advice.

RUN AND HIDE UNTIL THIS IS ALL OVER! EXTREME ISOLATION!

hit the break to get the truth

Proponents of everyone dying of swine flu claim that H1N1 is no worse than a normal seasonal flu. Or even more mild than a seasonal flu. They claim that we are safe to eat pig products. They even claim that the swine flu is more closely related to human flu than it is to any of the animals’ flu it contains.

A un-holy mix of crap has been put into this terrifying disease.

THESE ARE LIES!

Cleverpork Central has been on the case doing rigorous studies since the pandemic started last year. Through use of SCIENCE we have determined that the so called H1N1 virus is in fact the MEGA FLU. Millions of years ago it was frozen in combat in the arctic. Due to recent global warming that ice thawed releasing the Mega Flu on the world.

Since earlier this year the Mega Flu has been running rampant on the world, leaving bodies in it’s wake. If someone nearby has it you will likely have it soon. Therefore any personal contact is recommended against. there are reports that some places have take the necessary steps for protection. A Church in Oregon recently baned hand shaking and the wine was left out of mass to protect the public from the flu. These are necessary steps. Parents wouldn’t even shake their children’s hands and that is what we need. When a virus of this magnitude is present anything could cause the world to end.

So for now there are a few simple things you can do to protect yourself from this pandemic.


  1. Don’t interact with anyone until Cleverpork Central (the only safe news source) says it is ok
  2. wash your hands at least once every 5 minutes. If water and soap isn’t present hand sanitizer might work, but the H1N1 is a tricky creature
  3. Remove all pork products from your diet
  4. don’t interact with any livestock, especially pigs
  5. Make daily sacrifices to your deity of choice
  6. If you can, move to your underground island compound and observe while the flu you released destroys the world
A Screen Capture of twitter shows how dangerous this actually is

This shows the true danger of swine flu

If you do those things, then you might be safe. As a precaution you can always put on a full body suit and live in a cave, eating only processed cheese.

In conclusion, the world is trying to lie to all of you. Claiming that swine flu is not a threat. mainstream media is starting to grasp some of it, but not nearly enough. They trust their scientists too much. It is even possible that these WHO and CDC people are just government pawns in a conspiracy to remove a large portion of the human population. It could be that the melting of the ice to free the virus was a result of a secret governmental active sonar test that hit the resonance frequency of the ice and shattered it. We may never know.

What we do know though, is that Cleverpork Central will be here to reveal the truth throughout this pandemic. We will attempt to keep you safe by providing you the best ways to prevent this illness.




Update: Here is a site that will help you figure out if you have swine flu: http://doihaveswineflu.org/

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One Comment

  1. Posted October 16, 2009 at 04:30 | Permalink

    | H1N1 or Swine Flu is a bit scary but it a good thing to note that this virus is not that very deadly