Wind Turbines and the End of the World

Wind Turbines are becoming a more popular way to generate power. Their proponents claim that they produce almost zero waste, are completely silent, and allow the surrounding ground to be completely useable. However, there are a lot of things they leave out.

Dead Birds

A line of bird killers

A Line of Bird Killers

What you can’t see in still photos is the speed at which these turbines move. The tips of the blades can move surprisingly fast. As seen in the picture to the right, hundreds of birds just pile up dead along the bases of these towering death machines. Without the ability to run away, these birds often get decapitated  by high velocity blades raming into them. The numbers of dead birds increase all the time as more and more wind farms get added to the pool. Another problem with the proponent’s arguments is that with all the piles of dead birds, how can you use the land for anything other than wind farming? There will just be birds in the way!

Blinking Lights


Either a preparation or a signal

Either a preparation or a signal

At night these lumbering giants enter an unnerving mode of activity. They begin to flash an erie glow that not only disturbs many people from their slumbers but also warns of an impending robot doom. The bright red lights can only be our soon to be overlords preparing us to be used to blinking and glowing red lights. These lights are another reminder that these turbines are NOT friendly. As everyone knows, the colors of evil are black and red. The fact that these glow red when it is black at night means that they must have some amount of evil inside of them. This fact alone should convince everyone that we need to be careful of these turbines, but many are still unconvinced.

Getting Bigger Every Day


The Worlds Largest Doom Machine

The Worlds Largest Doom Machine

These turbines started out fairly small. Only tens of feet high. Now though, the largest turbines have popped up with a massive 126 meter blade span. This beast of a machine is rated to generate 6 MW of energy, which I can only imagine is designed to be pumped straight into your children. It’s giant blades can all the more effectively kill birds on a range from small to very large. The amount of death likely to be attached to this one turbine is close to that of a normal wind farm alone. As they get bigger it is also likely they are incorporating more and more advanced semi-alien technology as well. We’ll get to that later.

These colossi of death seem to be easier to make than just giants of death as well. Apparently, it costs almost the same amount to make a colossal turbine as it does to make a large turbine. This means that more of these beasts will be popping up all over the world with their increased power generation and blinking red lights and bird killing arms of death.


Alien Technology

As Evidenced in a recent xkcd news comic, these turbines are likely designed by aliens determined to rule our kind. They have an eerie ability to turn into tripod-like creatures with spinning blades for heads. These monsters have been known to attack the innocent for far too long. Very few are able to fight them, and the ones known to be fit for the job come from Spanish literature. We don’t know the extent to the weaponry on board as we have only seen crushing under the legs of the colossi.

As I mentioned before though, as these get bigger there is likely even more space for weaponry of mass destruction. We can’t just sit by while aliens or robots or some evil genius prepares to create killing machines to take over our world! It may start with birds and loss of sleep, but by the end expect a lot worse.


General Malease

Above all else, they are just kind of creepy. Do you really want to stare at a large spinning and relaxingly beautiful kinetic sculpture all day? or would you like to see power generation happen with the all-American coal cloud billowing out of the power plants on your back doorstep?



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