A Werewolfs Responce to Zombie Mania

November 5th, 2009

It has come to my attention that Zombies, undead and completely unpalatable post humans, have become very kitch as of late. It seems every form of entertainment; from books to movies, television and the like, all have caved to popular demand and allowed for Zombies to infest themselves into the already pleasant and entertaining projects the specific mediums had to offer. Their reputation preceding them, Zombies are able to infest and spread very quickly convincing susceptible and otherwise good natured peopleĀ  into fans of these disgusting and morally indifferent beings. Completely adaptable and transferable to any medium, Zombies, if left unchallenged, will soon be present in all entertainment mediums and all forms of artistic expression.

Dont believe me? Think Im some bitter old Werewolf whose pissed because my kind only gets bit roles in shitty movies like “Twilight” or the Underworld franchise? Well-you might be partly right. But regardless of the anger that the lack of popular demand that has sprung up in me it doesn’t hide or delude the fact that nearly everywhere you turn Zombies are taking over the popular landscape, turning all forms of art and entertainment into Zombie survival epics.

In litereture, widely popular over the past several years have been Max Brooks’ “Zombie Survival Guide” and fictional historical account “World War Z”. These books have spawned countless web pages and wiki form pages on the internet deicated to the practice of ‘zombie killing’. These single and borderline psychopathic individuals speculate with one another about how best to deal with an event that has only taken in place within the pages of books like Mr. Brooks, were as Werewolves have been eating people since before the time of Jesus Christ. Brooks’ novels have become the inspiration for graphic novels about Zombie survival or post apocolypic society as well as the script for a movie based on “World War Z”.

Aside from Brooks’ “novels”, classic works like “Pride and Prejudice” and “The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn” have become “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies” and “The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and Zombie Jim”. Each work is a classic that has inspired authors and readers as long as they have been in print, but even these classics can subcome to the uncreative and completely replicable world of the Zombie. Now all the genius of Twain’s wit and ground breaking literary style is torn to pecies with the addition of Zombies to the work. Zombies add nothing to the works, and as a backdrop to the rest of the story actually detract from the brilliance of the novels. They become the focus of the novels as all action is filtered through the need to “survive” the zombies. Aside from the classics, even franchise works like the Star Wars extended universe and comic universes like that of Marvel have created their own versions of the Zombie apocalypse.

Movies and video games are obvious examples of the potential damage that Zombies can cause to creative mediums, but even Shakespearean theater has been infected with Zombie fever. At the University of Oregon two years ago a group of actors performed “Hamlet” with the twist that all the dead in the play come back as Zombies. Anyone who went to watch the play went for the blood and gore effects performed by the actors. What does that say about fans of Zombies when the genius of Shakespeare is undercut by a little red paint and plastic limbs? What kind of violent and malicious virgin would rather see the carnal destruction of other human beings than celebrate the classic prose of Shakespeare’s plays.

Even board games have Zombie related options. Board games.

Zombies infect art and entertainment with their violent, indifferent, and uncreative natures. They are totally versatile and can be fit into any creative medium. They have already been placed in works of classic literature and the demand for Zombie related programming grows every day. With the growing threat of a total Zombie takeover of all forms of art and entertainment I feel it is my duty to get this information out there. Aside from Vampires (who feel that they are more than just a fad-assholes), members of the League of Classic Monsters find the growing influence of Zombies a threat to a diverse representation of monsters in popular culture. When was the last time you saw a Werewolf do anything other than fight a Vampire? Or even seen a Mummy? Was it the Mummy? Your correct, but their is the problem. The rest of us are stuck to a strict set of conventions and must continue any current works with a certain historical framework. But where the conventions of the Zombie story are simple and transferable to almost any kind of work, the strict conventions of us other monsters makes are works less dynamic and harder to transfer. Though this is an issue, it also means we, other monsters, are more challenging projects to work with and when we are picked up are projects are more creative and powerful than moronic works of Zombie fiction (think Michael J Fox in “Teen Wolf”-fucking classic).

Popular culture needs to see Zombies for the lazy, soulless, and cancerous characters that they are and stop lazily using them in every project you come up with. Its time artistic and creative types start thinking of us other monsters, us classic monsters (except those that ‘sparkle’ in the sun fucking vamps!), as opportunities to really challenge themselves and push their medium forward.

Wilfrid Glendon is the President of the League of Classic Monsters and outspoken advocate for Werewolf rights. Glendon is currently living in Boulder, CO, and is working on an all Werewolf musical called “Silver Bullets for My Jaded Heart”.

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