Cleverpork Central 2009 Holiday Gift Guide

So as you all likely know, Christmas and other holidays-which-are-not-as-important-to-their-religions-as-Christmas-is-to-Christianity-but-are-named-so-we-all-feel-like-we-are-accepting are coming up. You may be confused about what to get that special someone for your holiday of choice, but never fear, Cleverpork Central is HERE for YOU. We’ve collected the TRUE best gifts of 2009 here in one convenient place to make your holiday shopping a cinch!

Zhu Zhu Robotic Hamster Toy

Sure, last week we may have made fun of it for being hyped up and boring. But how can you resist that cute hamster pull? I mean, one of the is named “Num Nums.” AMAZING. Whether you are shopping for a mad scientist, a child, someone who desperately wants/needs a pet, or someone who feeds on the souls of cute furry animals (great prank) this toy is for them! On Amazon

Uranium Ore

Who wouldn’t want some genuine radioactive Uranium. It’s great for “testing Geiger Counters.” Best of all, you don’t need a license to buy it! Whether your special someone is a mad scientist, an amateur chemist or physicist, or someone you’re hoping to give cancer to, this is the perfect gift! From Amazon

Sky Diving Freud Action Figure

Not only is Freud awesome, but sky diving is also awesome. When you combine the two, you get INCREDIBLY AMAZING. Just remember, sometimes a parachute is just a parachute. This is a great gift for mad scientists, philosophers, sky divers, AMAZING PEOPLE, and also a great way to tell some to “go jump out of an airplane.” From Archie McPhee’s

Playmobil Hazmat Team

Playmobil was always a favorite of the Cleverpork Central Team. But then we found the Playmobil Hazmat team and fell in love again. This would be a great toy for mad scientists, whoever you bought the Uranium for, your teenager who doesn’t want to clean up their room, or your baby who wont stop throwing up it’s dinner. From Amazon

Tauntaun Sleeping Bag

Everyone remembers that classic scene from Star Wars Episode V where Han slices open his dead tauntaun to provide a warm place for Luke to stay while Han builds a shelter for the night. Now you too can relieve that great moment of friendship by providing your special someone a Tauntaun Sleeping Bag! This gift is great for mad scientists, Star Wars fans, Charlie Beckers, or your relatives who habitually drink too much at your christmas party and have to spend the night at your place. From ThinkGeek

Invader Pendant

Do you remember the pixel wars back in the day? When they attacked, we didn’t know what to do. Here you can relive those days by carrying an invader with you at all times. This gift is great for mad scientists, your geek girl, people who love retro video games, and the person you want to tag to be taken away by aliens ASAP. From ThinkGeek

Gmail Invite

Everyone these days are clamoring for invites to something called Google Wave. Give your special someone what they really want. Gmail Invites. There are even waves where people are clamoring for a Gmail invite. Mad scientists, old people, true techies, and your friend still using Hotmail would love receiving this hard to obtain gift.


Want your fortune told? Want wishes to come true? Want to be reminded of favorite childhood movies? Get this Zoltar box. it may cost a pretty penny, but it is totally worth it. Enjoying this gift would be mad scientists, children who want to be adults, and your teenager kid who you want to learn to just grow up already. From Hammacher Schlemmer

Gelli Baff

Kids don’t want to take a bath? what better way to get them to get clean than to turn the bath into a pile of goo! That is exactly what the creators of Gelli Baff thought and they went on from there to show how well capitalism works by producing this quality piece of work! This gift is great for mad scientists, children who don’t want to take a bath, your roommate who hasn’t gotten near running water all fall term, or yourself… Who wouldn’t want to bathe in goo?! From gelli-baff

Name a Species

This isn’t something you get for someone exactly. More like their name will be forever immortalized in scientific literature by naming a species after them. At the time of printing there are 4 species being offered for sale. It is actually entered into the scientific literature unlike star registries which are bullshit. Species seem to run from $500-$600. Amazing. This is perfect for mad scientists, other scientists, Chris Cunningham, or if you want to tell someone to stop bug-ing you. (get it? most of the species are some form of insect.) From Name A Species

Death Star Sections

these aren’t some boring imitation, these are the REAL DEAL. Taken from the original Death Star props, these sections are all one of a kind. This gift is great for mad scientists, those Star Wars fans, movie item collectors, and someone who you want to blow up. From Screen Used

Horrified B-Movie Victims

Any toy can seem terrifying with miniature people cowering in fear. Did you get that swine flu plush already? Give it the respect it truly deserves with this set. It would be perfect for mad scientists, amateur film makers, your son to mess with his sister’s dolls, amateur photographers, professional photographers, and the creepy people you want to send a message to. From Archie McPhee’s

Any of these gifts would likely be perfect for your special someone, but to truly impress them, you should just get ALL of them. While that might be an excessive amount, it is nothing compared to the happiness sure to come from someone who inevitably gives you so much happiness.

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One Comment

  1. Posted December 1, 2009 at 22:28 | Permalink

    Amazing agian. I have the hazmat team! Oh and if you need the hook up on Gmail invites I got that covered too. (I can do wave too)