Fist Full of Lies

swedishchef460

Trenton, NJ

Beloved secondary Muppet Swedish Chef announced today that he, and other Muppets, have been lip syncing their performances since the early days of the Muppet show. According to the Chef the Muppets, before they would go and perform, would be entered-via a hole in their back, by another actor who would then control the actions and speech of the Muppet. “Its degrading, and borderline wrong!” Cried a tearful Chef, who, after years of therapy, felt that is was finally time that he come clean about his misgivings and let the fans of the works of Muppets know the truth. “We were puppets! There was nothing real about what we did, it was the actors that made that show what is was. They as much as anyone deserve to have the truth reveled so they can start to get such long overdue credit”.

As the press conference went on, the Chef became more apologetic to his fellow Muppets who he claimed “need to see themselves for who they are” and to “stop trying to be something they are not”. When asked if he felt he was unfairly throwing his co-stars under the bus the Chef admitted his announcement comes from a very selfish place, but “admitting to myself that I was a puppet was the most liberating moment in my life. I see my co-stars regularly and so many of them suffer from the same identity issues that I did for years. Its hard to know who you are when you are controlled by someone else”. The Chef insisted that he thought deeply on how such an announcement would come to affect the careers of Muppets who are currently employed and that any work they had was not there own-it was the actors who controlled them. “Im talking not just about personal freedom, I want Muppets everywhere to start to act on their own accord. To create art that is their own. No, this will effect the lives of Muppets everywhere I know it will. I can only hope that they will see this as a breaking of bondage and not a loss of self”.

The announcement has already pushed many of the Muppets to stray away from public appearance, declining to make statements on the Chef’s allegations. Only a handfull of Muppets, lead by Muppet Union Organizer Beeker, have come out in support of the Chef and are happy to know have a chance to show the world just how creative Muppets can be without someone inside them. “Mmeee me mee meee me, mee meeeem meee. Meee me mee meeee me me meeeem meeeeee”, said the Union leader on his way to a meeting with others politically invested in Muppet affairs, “Mmeeee meme mmmeeee me!”.

 

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2 Comments

  1. S. Street
    Posted December 11, 2009 at 14:49 | Permalink

    Some of the original Muppets have tried to come to grips with being “outed” by Swedish Chef:

    Miss Piggy: Midnight. The lone alien stands before a naked sky. The mood is tense. My hair looks great. Oh Kermie, you are so courageous to meet this exposure head on, so magnificent!

    Kermit the Frog: Uh, Miss Piggy, while I am flattered at this display of affection, allow me to remind you once again that I do not want you.

    Big Bird: Bad days happens to everyone, but when one happens to you, just keep doing your best and never let a bad day make you feel bad about yourself.

    Snuffleupagus: Ah, gee Bird…

  2. Sam Downey
    Posted December 12, 2009 at 17:57 | Permalink

    You are proof of that tired old saying that you’ve probably never heard of: the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.