Carnegie to Morgan-You Look Like a Seal

Morgan, this is Andrew your friend and coorperate counterpart.

For as long as I have known you, and gracious me it has been for some many years now, you have always had a healthy appitie for good food, good whiskey, and beautiful young women. And for years you have paid for the best chefs, dined in the finist resturanunts, and shinffed at the best whiskeys around-yet for all your money and influence you have never been able to land that hot young bitty you have always longed for.

Until recently I have been totally stumped as to your problem at getting girls. JP and I have never had a problem rustling up some breezies, and even though Vanderbelt is catching for the other team (and I do mean cathching) he still has women throw themselves at him constantly. He has to litterally beat them off with a broom!

But like I said it was until recently that I had been stumped by what was keeping women away from you, but now that I know it I wonder why I never thought of it before. Maybe you know it? Maybe you looked in the mirror one day after reading a National Geographic about elaphent seals and where like “Oh shit, they look like me!” Well if you havent dont that you should take the time to do so becuse that ol’ boy is your problem-you look like an adult male elephant seal.

No, your saying, that’s ridiculous! Im very handsome, and I have a great personality. If your thinking that JP your an idiot, look at the pictures I sent you. Look at the similarities in both phenotype and in personality there are between you and the adult elephant seal. Look at the noses on the two of you-all bulbouse. Your nearly 2/3 nose JP, you’ve had to had notice that. Fucking look at the eyes JP. Both you and the seal display nothing but hostility and an egarness to dominate in your eyes. There is nothing playful, fun, emotional, kind, or really anything in those eyes that a women (or kind hearted sailor man) would find desierable. Your an evil, compeditive, and snide individual JP and Im not sure anyone can ever love you.

But if you want to lose that flower of yours, I suggest changing your personality or something. You have all the money and the power to make you very attractive to anyone, but you look like and act like an adult male elephant seal and even with all the money in the world no one if going to want to hit that.



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