Our New Molluscan Overlords
Recently, in Indonesia, Australian scientists discovered an octopus using tools. Many people consider Humans to have become a dominant species on the plannet because the early humans developed tools. This can only mean one thing. Octopuses are going to take over the world.
Eagle Creek Trail
The Cleverpork Central crew sets out
Yesterday, December 14th, Derek, Charlie, Aaron, and I went on a hike on the Eagle Creek trail in the Columbia Gorge. Below you'll find a collection of photos that we took. It was one of the more dangerous hikes that we have taken, from falling rocks to slippery ice. There are sections where the path is narrow and it is terrifying when it is the middle of summer. They have a cable to hold on to but at the narrowest part the ice went over the cable and was the slickest part of the narrow section. During the same portion of the trail rocks and ice would occasionally fall, hitting the trail with a loud sound. If any of them had hit us we might have been hurt, but none did thanks to expert timing.
All the danger was not without reward though. The frozen waterfalls were beautiful. I hadn't seen frozen waterfalls before and the entire canyon is lined with smaller waterfalls, all frozen. Punchbowl falls, our end-point, was not frozen but the whole river was lined with Ice. At punchbowl, there was a solid sheet we could go out and stand on while we took pictures. We were mostly alone out there, though two groups did go past us on our way back, and being alone was wonderful. For a very frequently traveled trail, getting to travel it without passing anyone is always a nice experience.
Winter Break Headquarters
Well, finals are over for a large portion of the writers of Cleverpork Central. Now it is time for Winter Break. We made it safely back to Portland, and I made sure I took no time before setting up the Cleverpork Central Winter Break Headquarters. Our temporary headquarters are located in My family's house adjacent to the Wiki Creek Field Station Below you'll find the description of the various components that make up our Winter Break Headquarters.
Fist Full of Lies
Trenton, NJ
Beloved secondary Muppet Swedish Chef announced today that he, and other Muppets, have been lip syncing their performances since the early days of the Muppet show. According to the Chef the Muppets, before they would go and perform, would be entered-via a hole in their back, by another actor who would then control the actions and speech of the Muppet. "Its degrading, and borderline wrong!" Cried a tearful Chef, who, after years of therapy, felt that is was finally time that he come clean about his misgivings and let the fans of the works of Muppets know the truth. "We were puppets! There was nothing real about what we did, it was the actors that made that show what is was. They as much as anyone deserve to have the truth reveled so they can start to get such long overdue credit".
As the press conference went on, the Chef became more apologetic to his fellow Muppets who he claimed "need to see themselves for who they are" and to "stop trying to be something they are not". When asked if he felt he was unfairly throwing his co-stars under the bus the Chef admitted his announcement comes from a very selfish place, but "admitting to myself that I was a puppet was the most liberating moment in my life. I see my co-stars regularly and so many of them suffer from the same identity issues that I did for years. Its hard to know who you are when you are controlled by someone else". The Chef insisted that he thought deeply on how such an announcement would come to affect the careers of Muppets who are currently employed and that any work they had was not there own-it was the actors who controlled them. "Im talking not just about personal freedom, I want Muppets everywhere to start to act on their own accord. To create art that is their own. No, this will effect the lives of Muppets everywhere I know it will. I can only hope that they will see this as a breaking of bondage and not a loss of self".
The announcement has already pushed many of the Muppets to stray away from public appearance, declining to make statements on the Chef's allegations. Only a handfull of Muppets, lead by Muppet Union Organizer Beeker, have come out in support of the Chef and are happy to know have a chance to show the world just how creative Muppets can be without someone inside them. "Mmeee me mee meee me, mee meeeem meee. Meee me mee meeee me me meeeem meeeeee", said the Union leader on his way to a meeting with others politically invested in Muppet affairs, "Mmeeee meme mmmeeee me!".
Falconry
Readers, while you are one of my top priorities, I also have other interests. One of those is birds. Recently I started toying with the idea of falconry as a way to keep some of the more amazing birds in the world, the hawks. It turns out that falconry is still a popular activity in the world and Oregon has a decent amount of people active in the field. I've looked more and more into it, and while it would cost me a lot of money, I have decided that 5 years after I get a steady job, I'm going to get my falconry license.
The “Stoked” Epidemic
Normally, when a new article idea hits me, I get super stoked about it. I sit down and think up witty things to say and as soon as I post it I go onto Google Talk and *high-five* my friends. We track stats here at Cleverpork Central, and when I see a new search term that we are on the front page fo google for, I get even more stoked. Just a day or so ago, I was stoked out of my mind about a collection of google search terms that put us on the front page.
Turns out, a recent study shows that I'm not alone. While we here at Cleverpork Central don't see this as a problem, instead more as a vital part of "livin' it up," we do see some of the points that the losers opposing getting stoked make. Therefore remember this dear readers, Get stoked responsibly. Even if you think something is "the bomb" not everyone wants to know about it for an extended period of time.
See the panel discussion below.