Hitler responds to the iPad
Fried Computer
No, this is not a cooking article for a delicious robot treat (though that is a good idea...), this is an article about how my computer has gone from functioning to not over the weekend.
Sunday something happened and I had to hard restart my computer (it was going hella slow) and it would not restart. Not knowing what to do, I called pat and we spent a while working with the computer (and by we I mean mainly he). We ended the night reformatting my drive and restoring from a January 4th backup.
Monday I got it working enough to get some homework done. But by the evening it had froze up again. I reformatted one more time, this time zeroing out all the data. It froze up almost immediately upon startup.
Now, in the present, Pat has ordered me a new internal hard drive to see if that does the trick. If not, then I guess I'll reformat and start from a clean install of OS X (after pulling off selected files that I want and possibly going through and making sure I have all my passwords.
what does this mean for you readers? Sadly, I expect low article rates to continue (in conjunciton with thesis and grad school application work) for the foreseeable future. However, I hope my compatriots will continue to strive to entertain you all!
Kid Kills Raccoon, Trying to “Catch ‘em All”
On Saturday an 11 year old boy, A. Kachum, killed a raccoon with a red and white painted rock, later he claimed that he was trying to expand his collection and "Catch 'em all."
Kachum had taken his dog on a walk through some thick, tall grass until a raccoon was scared out of hiding. Kachum was reported to have yelled at his dog to "use tail whip" The dog only barked loudly at the raccoon for an extended period of time.
After a couple of minutes of commotion caused by the dog barking and the raccoon hissing back, Kachum was reported to have pulled a large rock painted half red and half white from a bag and throw it as the raccoon. The rock collided with the raccoons head and killed the raccoon instantly. Kachum seemed to wait for something to happen and when nothing did he tried to walk away. The number of bystanders that had accumulated, drawn by the loud commotion called the cops and told the boy to stay put.
Kachum's parents were called out to take him home, and declined to comment.
PETA released a statement stating that They are boycotting 11 year old boys because they cause such violent harm to animals. In the same press release they announced a plan to remove predators from the planet to protect the happier animals of the world. The press release was soaked in fake blood.
The lead personal trainer at a local gym that Kachum visited regularly, Pewter Gym, stated that Kachum had been coming in and building arm strength by playing games with his dog and an odd variety of other pets including a parrot and a duck. Pewter Gym has a pet policy that allows all pets, to encourage a healthy body and mind, so no one thought that it was odd. "I often come in with my rat to play raquetball. I always win, but we have a good time afterwards anyway," stated another regular patron, "It seemed odd to meditate with a pet duck and try to ride a pet parrot, but we all thought it was cute."
The only warning sign seemed to be that Kachum would often ask the other patrons if they wanted to battle their pets. When they respectufully declined he got frustrated and would often go and walk around in a nearby field to relieve his frustration.
The only person who didn't act surprised and even supported Kachum's actions was Kachum's uncle, nearby University professor Sam Oke. Oke had given Kachum's dog, which first was one of his lab animals, to Kachum when he turned 10. "He was old enough to handle the responsibility of keeping an animal and I wanted to make sure he was safe out in the world," said Oke.
Classes Start, Interupting Facebook Time
Throughout Eugene and many other college towns, loud collective groans emanated from various student housing situations as classes started, thus limiting the amount of time students can spend on Facebook.
The change was expected according to the University of Oregon website, claiming the start of a "Winter Term" but many students are outraged. "With Spanish, Business 102, Mass Media and Communication how am I going to be able to spend 80 hours a week on Facebook," stated one University of Oregon freshman. Another student, Robby, stated "I actually had to log out and go to class this morning." He sounded incredibly distraught.
While some students are still using Facebook, many are having a hard time balancing school, Facebook, and video games. One University student claimed, "This University thing would be awesome if I didn't have class. I hang out with my friends via Facebook and rock Call of Duty with my friends. With these classes now I have to choose to devote my free time to either Facebook or video games."
Not all students are concerned. One Junior confessed that he actually has more time because he brings his computer to class to "take notes" but really spends his time on facebook. "Normally I spend my free time hiking mountains or biking, but class restricts me to a chair for an extended period of time. It is a perfect place to catch up on the bomber trails my friends are hitting."
University officials declined to comment on the situation, but chances are they would talk about how athletes had been low on Facebook time all break while preparing for the Rose Bowl. Now the athletes get some time to catch up on their friends while everyone else is studying for classes.
Many of these classes are taught by so-called professors one of which stated, "School is here to learn things, and a lot of that learning is done in classes. Other learning happens because people have to go to class. Either way, class is an important part of school. I understand these students complaints about their Facebook time, but they should really get over it." This has received a lot of agreement from other professors and even some students, some of which have said, "I don't even have a Facebook."
These changes are not permanent and classes are expected to end in about 10 weeks. There is a rumor that another set of classes may resume shortly after, but the students will worry about that when it comes. Many students are patiently waiting for classes to end so that Facebook time will resume, and very few violent protests are expected to occur.
Knight at the Musee
This week the louvre announced that it will be displaying The Dark Knight as possibly a permanent installation to the museums already massive collection. The Director of the Musée du Louvre had this to say "We put a lot of thought into it and found the movie to be quite simply a master piece."
The movie is to be installed right next to the Mona Lisa, where it will be displayed on a large flat screen set into the wall and will loop indefinitely. Along with several choice frame stills to complete the display. Of Course this ruffled some Parisian feathers with the museums choice of hanging it next to the Mona Lisa.
"It is a disgrace to the Mona lisa," claimed Jacques Yves, a local Parisian "No one will even look at the Mona Lisa, we might as well not even have it!" Though some are quite excited about the museums decision with a lot of chatter across the Internet. La Petite a modern French design and art blogsite had an article praising the museum for its plans to install the work, calling the exhibition "daring and well deserved."
Many of the films cast and crew plan to attend the opening of the exhibit, which is set for late February. Batman himself, Christian Bale, will be there along with the 1960s Batman, Adam West, who stated he is happy to be finally known for something other then Family Guy. Other Hollywood stars will be in attendance including Ben Stiller, who forced himself onto the guest list claiming that he needs to be there to protect everyone.
edited by: Aaron Thayer
Trilobite Reports: Evolution Going Great
According to a Trilobite interviewed by the Onion, evolution is going great. The trilobite stated that, "It's a wonderful time to be alive," and "Sulfurous gas seems to be bubbling up to the surface pretty good, and several single-cell organisms appear to be mutating at a rather steady pace. Also, just today, I developed the ability to roll into a small protective shell in order to avoid predators."
This is great, because it means that soon giant reptiles will be roaming the world and before too long little furry mammals will be running around. Soon enough primates will show up and procede to try and destroy the world. All in all, enough excitement for a planetary lifetime!
From The Onion
In all seriousness, this article is great because it presents solid scientific evidence in a nearly accurate manner. I solidly approve of the Onion's work on this one.