Missed Connections from History
It is always interesting to look back onto the past and see connections to our present time. Recently at the University of Cairo in Egypt a team of Anthropologists found a tablet in some foothills which allegedly carried a conversation between then Queen of Egypt Cleopatra and Cesar of the Roman Empire Julius. Though the researchers are not certain that the conversation on the tablet is between the famous couple, we hear at Cleverpork Central are to impatient and arrogant to be concerned with the opinions of what can only be a group of Indian Jones worshiping virgins that make up the Anthropology department at the University of Cairo. Grow a pair. Without foresight or real understanding of the nature of the research, enjoy the worlds first missed connection:
[Translated from Stick Figures on a Stone] Me, kindly older man walking through the desert at night in full Roman combat gear. You, stunning beauty sleeping on the foot of the Sphinx. I walked you back to your palace, had an invigorating conversation about sand. I'm an aggressive man who loves challenges and would love to get to know you better, maybe talk more about sand. Shall the Sphinx be the place, next week at midnight? Cheers, JC
[The Responce] KOM, I love that you found me beautiful. I'm found of people who find me fascinating and I would love to meet up and talk more about me and my interests-like sand! If things go well, who knows-maybe Ill will even let you invade my homelands if you know what I'm saying? See you at midnight. Kisses, Cleo
Our New Molluscan Overlords
Recently, in Indonesia, Australian scientists discovered an octopus using tools. Many people consider Humans to have become a dominant species on the plannet because the early humans developed tools. This can only mean one thing. Octopuses are going to take over the world.
Fist Full of Lies
Trenton, NJ
Beloved secondary Muppet Swedish Chef announced today that he, and other Muppets, have been lip syncing their performances since the early days of the Muppet show. According to the Chef the Muppets, before they would go and perform, would be entered-via a hole in their back, by another actor who would then control the actions and speech of the Muppet. "Its degrading, and borderline wrong!" Cried a tearful Chef, who, after years of therapy, felt that is was finally time that he come clean about his misgivings and let the fans of the works of Muppets know the truth. "We were puppets! There was nothing real about what we did, it was the actors that made that show what is was. They as much as anyone deserve to have the truth reveled so they can start to get such long overdue credit".
As the press conference went on, the Chef became more apologetic to his fellow Muppets who he claimed "need to see themselves for who they are" and to "stop trying to be something they are not". When asked if he felt he was unfairly throwing his co-stars under the bus the Chef admitted his announcement comes from a very selfish place, but "admitting to myself that I was a puppet was the most liberating moment in my life. I see my co-stars regularly and so many of them suffer from the same identity issues that I did for years. Its hard to know who you are when you are controlled by someone else". The Chef insisted that he thought deeply on how such an announcement would come to affect the careers of Muppets who are currently employed and that any work they had was not there own-it was the actors who controlled them. "Im talking not just about personal freedom, I want Muppets everywhere to start to act on their own accord. To create art that is their own. No, this will effect the lives of Muppets everywhere I know it will. I can only hope that they will see this as a breaking of bondage and not a loss of self".
The announcement has already pushed many of the Muppets to stray away from public appearance, declining to make statements on the Chef's allegations. Only a handfull of Muppets, lead by Muppet Union Organizer Beeker, have come out in support of the Chef and are happy to know have a chance to show the world just how creative Muppets can be without someone inside them. "Mmeee me mee meee me, mee meeeem meee. Meee me mee meeee me me meeeem meeeeee", said the Union leader on his way to a meeting with others politically invested in Muppet affairs, "Mmeeee meme mmmeeee me!".
The “Stoked” Epidemic
Normally, when a new article idea hits me, I get super stoked about it. I sit down and think up witty things to say and as soon as I post it I go onto Google Talk and *high-five* my friends. We track stats here at Cleverpork Central, and when I see a new search term that we are on the front page fo google for, I get even more stoked. Just a day or so ago, I was stoked out of my mind about a collection of google search terms that put us on the front page.
Turns out, a recent study shows that I'm not alone. While we here at Cleverpork Central don't see this as a problem, instead more as a vital part of "livin' it up," we do see some of the points that the losers opposing getting stoked make. Therefore remember this dear readers, Get stoked responsibly. Even if you think something is "the bomb" not everyone wants to know about it for an extended period of time.
See the panel discussion below.
Civil War on Twitter
The most inportant thing to consder when looking at the Civil War is who is Tweeting the most about it. It looks like the Ducks win on Twitter....
Black Friday Picture Follow Up!!
On Friday we spent the night people watching around Beaverton, Oregon. Below are a few photos taken by our art director. Read the whole live blog of our night and a collection of concluding comments here!
