Why Does Discovery Ruin Good Shows
by Chris Cunningham
Sigourney Weaver wasn't an awful narrator for Planet Earth. I, unlike some(who protested the show), watched every episode on the Discovery Channel. Then I got the BBC version as a gift and if I ever heard the Discovery version after that I needed to turn it off. David Attenborough is so much better at it.
At this time, Attenborough is pretty much the spokesman of macro biology. He is quite qualified to narrate a special on biology. In fact, BBC knows this and uses him to narrate their shows. He writes the narration then speaks it. Sure he humanizes animals more than necessary, but he has a good voice for narration and presents information in a way that people understand.
Discovery, for some reason, doesn't get this. Instead, they try to feed the American desire for celebrities and give us Sigourney weaver, and now Oprah.
Yes, you read that right, the sequel to Planet Earth, Life, is being narrated on Discovery Channel by Oprah Whinfrey. No disrespect to Oprah, but what is the chance that she truly understands the words she is reading from that script? Why does Discovery think that we need a different narrator for this show exploring the diversity of life?
I got really excited about this new "sequel" to Planet Earth, but then I saw the words "narrated by Oprah" and decided that I need to buy the BBC version before I watch it. David Attenborough wrote the narration for the show, and I want to hear him say his words.
You can already Preorder the BBC version on DVD. Why wait for a sub-par version to come from Discovery Channel, when you can buy the original version now. That's what I'm going to do, I'm not going to wait and watch the show just to hear an overused celebrity narrate it. Instead I'm going to watch it with someone who has been making nature films for 30 years.
Flaws In the Top Movie of 2009
by Chris Cunningham
Warning this article contains spoilers. If you have not seen Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus go to your local campy movie store and get a copy. or try to find it some how. It is a true masterpiece. Best if viewed with friends.
As many of you who know some of us here at Cleverpork Central know, our favorite movie of 2009 is probably Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus. As many of you also know, we are avid cephalopod supporters and were rooting for the Giant Octopus the whole time.
Trilobite Reports: Evolution Going Great
by Chris Cunningham
According to a Trilobite interviewed by the Onion, evolution is going great. The trilobite stated that, "It's a wonderful time to be alive," and "Sulfurous gas seems to be bubbling up to the surface pretty good, and several single-cell organisms appear to be mutating at a rather steady pace. Also, just today, I developed the ability to roll into a small protective shell in order to avoid predators."
This is great, because it means that soon giant reptiles will be roaming the world and before too long little furry mammals will be running around. Soon enough primates will show up and procede to try and destroy the world. All in all, enough excitement for a planetary lifetime!
From The Onion
In all seriousness, this article is great because it presents solid scientific evidence in a nearly accurate manner. I solidly approve of the Onion's work on this one.
Our New Molluscan Overlords
by Chris Cunningham
Recently, in Indonesia, Australian scientists discovered an octopus using tools. Many people consider Humans to have become a dominant species on the plannet because the early humans developed tools. This can only mean one thing. Octopuses are going to take over the world.
A quick warning about Phantosmia
by Aaron Cody
Has your sense of smell been off lately? Do you find yourself saying things like “I smell roses” when no roses are present? You may be suffering from a rare condition known as Phantosmia, a rare condition in which hallucinates smells. Phantosmia can be caused by head trauma or psychiatric illness, and is not to be confused with Pharosmia, a distortion of smells which are present. You can find out more information about Phantosmia here.
In all seriousness, if you do find yourself smelling things that aren’t there, consult a doctor. Congratulation’s to the Ducks in their win at the Civil war, even though I was rooting for OSU. It’s great to have an Oregon team going to the Rosebowl. The fact that both teams were contenders is a testament to the quality of the football programs in our state. Oh, and to any Duck fans whose sentiments after the game were along the lines of “Beavers Suck Ass” : I didn't know that winning by four points entitled you to be dick.
Zoo Replaces Dead Polar Bears With Fakes
by Pat CunninghamW
hen you have an issue with your polar bears dying why not replace them with fake bears. I mean that's what we did with my aunt. We replaced her with a fake bear. No one noticed.
Ok but seriously this brings up an important question. How many of those animals you see in the zoo have been made into anamatronics. Zoo Disney anyone?
