Cleverpork Olympic Coverage: First Medals of the Games

In honor of NBC’s coverage of the Olympics, where “live” means 3 hours delayed, Cleverpork Central is covering the Olympics in a timely manner. We can’t promise daily coverage, but we’ll try to keep you informed on the important events at least!

Today had the first medals of the games. There was some biathalon, some short track and some speed skating. But Women’s Moguls were the exciting part.

There is something about watching people ski down a hill with the worst posible conditions then do multiple tricks in the middle. I was thrilled as I watched the athletes rock the hill. It looked easy to navigate the bumps and then rocket into the air and do a flip and such.

Everyone thought that this was Canada’s first chance for a gold medal, but USA got gold (and bronze) and Canada got silver. It was an exciting event and I was impressed with the skill of all the athletes.

Apolo Ohno got another medal in short track.

Also today marked the start of the Luge competition. The Luge started with controversy as a Georgian Luger died during a practice run on the track. Since then they have fixed some safety concerns and all starts are starting from the bobsled and women’s start. This has ade some athletes unhappy because they do the sport because of the danger. They want the speed and technicality of the sport. One German luger said, “now we’re starting at the old lady start, it’s not fast enough.”

The first hokey games of the games were today including Canada winning 18-0 against Slovakia. That is about a goal every 3 minutes of the game.

Check in tomorrow for first luge medals, opening of figure skating and USA’s first hockey game.

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Cleverpork Olympic Coverage: Day 1

In honor of NBC’s coverage of the Olympics, where “live” means 3 hours delayed, Cleverpork Central is covering the Olympics in a timely manner. We can’t promise daily coverage, but we’ll try to keep you informed on the important events at least!

Yesterday was the first day of the Olympics. This means both the Opening Ceremonies, and some preliminary ski jumping. We’ll cover ski jumping more when the medal rounds come by, but today we’ll take a look at the Opening Ceremony.

The most striking thing that people are talking about is the supposed failure of one of the lifts to lift the olympic torch. However, people are assuming that it was an error. I think that the Vancouver Olympic committee wanted to make a commentary on how not all people achieve their goals. They were demonstrating how “the man” could bring someone down and keep them from achieving success in life. Ultimately, I think this is a very daring move on Canada’s part, as they could be considered “the man” by the Canadian people.

That’s all for today, but come back tomorrow for the first medals of the games as well as day one of the longest sport in the games (hockey, which spans the whole length of the winter olympics) and Some of the most dangerous sports in the games.

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Fried Computer

Unlike last month’s post of the same name, this is actually the recipe for a delicious robot snack.

Do you have friends who think they’re robots? Do you have friends who don’t accept that they’re robots? Well, you’re in luck. What follows is the traditional Cleverpork recipe for Fried Computer, a delicious robot snack.

Read More »

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Hitler responds to the iPad

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I’m Back!

My computer is now restored to it’s original greatness (thanks to the help of Mr. Pat Cunningham) and it is in fact much faster than it has been in the last…year  maybe? Anyway, installed a new hard drive today, restored my old files and Im back on track. Perhaps I will blog some more in the coming week. I am going on a field trip to the Newport Aquarium, and it has been a long time since I’ve live blogged something, so keep your eyes peeled!

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Fried Computer

No, this is not a cooking article for a delicious robot treat (though that is a good idea…), this is an article about how my computer has gone from functioning to not over the weekend.

Sunday something happened and I had to hard restart my computer (it was going hella slow) and it would not restart. Not knowing what to do, I called pat and we spent a while working with the computer (and by we I mean mainly he). We ended the night reformatting my drive and restoring from a January 4th backup.

Monday I got it working enough to get some homework done. But by the evening it had froze up again. I reformatted one more time, this time zeroing out all the data.  It froze up almost immediately upon startup.

Now, in the present, Pat has ordered me a new internal hard drive to see if that does the trick. If not, then I guess I’ll reformat and start from a clean install of OS X (after pulling off selected files that I want and possibly going through and making sure I have all my passwords.

what does this mean for you readers? Sadly, I expect low article rates to continue (in conjunciton with thesis and grad school application work) for the foreseeable future. However, I hope my compatriots will continue to strive to entertain you all!

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How To: Procrastinate When You Should Be Working On Your Thesis

I should be working on my thesis. Specifically, my Thesis Prospectus. However, instead I am taking this time to educate you all on a few tips that will help you to procrastinate when a time comes that you all have a huge important paper that requires a lot of time, planning and effort.

1. Fill your evening with events

I have told people that I will attend events they are putting on. Planet Earth is playing at 7? I’ll be there! Complex Government? I’ll be there! because of this a significant portion of my night is booked with important engagements. This allows me to not feel guilty about wasting the little time between those events

2. Pick up a new hobby

I’ve never known how to use photoshop or illustrator, but I’ve been working on my skillz instead of writing a thesis. With this noble goal in mind, I can feel good about spending my time advancing my knowledge of a variety of topics. I am still awful with these programs, but that just means more time can be devoted to things.

3. Have friends who want to play video games with you

This one is harder unless you have friends willing. I am lucky enough to have just such friends. I am a firm believer that socialization is an important part of developing a well rounded person, so these video games with friends produce excellent opportunities.

4. Make a Blog

What better way to waste time then to write about wasting time? I say none. I’m here for that purpose and it seems to be working pretty well. I’ve now spent at least 20 minutes of potential thesis time on this post and that is quite an accomplishment I must say.

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Why Does Discovery Ruin Good Shows

Sigourney Weaver wasn’t an awful narrator for Planet Earth. I, unlike some(who protested the show), watched every episode on the Discovery Channel. Then I got the BBC version as a gift and if I ever heard the Discovery version after that I needed to turn it off. David Attenborough is so much better at it.

At this time, Attenborough is pretty much the spokesman of macro biology. He is quite qualified to narrate a special on biology. In fact, BBC knows this and uses him to narrate their shows. He writes the narration then speaks it. Sure he humanizes animals more than necessary, but he has a good voice for narration and presents information in a way that people understand.

Discovery, for some reason, doesn’t get this. Instead, they try to feed the American desire for celebrities and give us Sigourney weaver, and now Oprah.

Yes, you read that right, the sequel to Planet Earth, Life, is being narrated on Discovery Channel by Oprah Whinfrey. No disrespect to Oprah, but what is the chance that she truly understands the words she is reading from that script? Why does Discovery think that we need a different narrator for this show exploring the diversity of life?

I got really excited about this new “sequel” to Planet Earth, but then I saw the words “narrated by Oprah” and decided that I need to buy the BBC version before I watch it. David Attenborough wrote the narration for the show, and I want to hear him say his words.

You can already Preorder the BBC version on DVD. Why wait for a sub-par version to come from Discovery Channel, when you can buy the original version now. That’s what I’m going to do, I’m not going to wait and watch the show just to hear an overused celebrity narrate it. Instead I’m going to watch it with someone who has been making nature films for 30 years.

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Kid Kills Raccoon, Trying to “Catch ’em All”

On Saturday an 11 year old boy, A. Kachum, killed a raccoon with a red and white painted rock, later he claimed that he was trying to expand his collection and “Catch ’em all.”

Kachum had taken his dog on a walk through some thick, tall grass until a raccoon was scared out of hiding. Kachum was reported to have yelled at his dog to “use tail whip” The dog only barked loudly at the raccoon for an extended period of time.

After a couple of minutes of commotion caused by the dog barking and the raccoon hissing back, Kachum was reported to have pulled a large rock painted half red and half white from a bag and throw it as the raccoon. The rock collided with the raccoons head and killed the raccoon instantly. Kachum seemed to wait for something to happen and when nothing did he tried to walk away. The number of bystanders that had accumulated, drawn by the loud commotion called the cops and told the boy to stay put.

Kachum’s parents were called out to take him home, and declined to comment.

PETA released a statement stating that They are boycotting 11 year old boys because they cause such violent harm to animals. In the same press release they announced a plan to remove predators from the planet to protect the happier animals of the world. The press release was soaked in fake blood.

The lead personal trainer at a local gym that Kachum visited regularly, Pewter Gym, stated that Kachum had been coming in and building arm strength by playing games with his dog and an odd variety of other pets including a parrot and a duck. Pewter Gym has a pet policy that allows all pets, to encourage a healthy body and mind, so no one thought that it was odd. “I often come in with my rat to play raquetball. I always win, but we have a good time afterwards anyway,” stated another regular patron, “It seemed odd to meditate with a pet duck and try to ride a pet parrot, but we all thought it was cute.”

The only warning sign seemed to be that Kachum would often ask the other patrons if they wanted to battle their pets. When they respectufully declined he got frustrated and would often go and walk around in a nearby field to relieve his frustration.

The only person who didn’t act surprised and even supported Kachum’s actions was Kachum’s uncle, nearby University professor Sam Oke. Oke had given Kachum’s dog, which first was one of his lab animals, to Kachum when he turned 10. “He was old enough to handle the responsibility of keeping an animal and I wanted to make sure he was safe out in the world,” said Oke.

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Classes Start, Interupting Facebook Time

Throughout Eugene and many other college towns, loud collective groans emanated from various student housing situations as classes started, thus limiting the amount of time students can spend on Facebook.

The change was expected according to the University of Oregon website, claiming the start of a “Winter Term” but many students are outraged. “With Spanish, Business 102, Mass Media and Communication how am I going to be able to spend 80 hours a week on Facebook,” stated one University of Oregon freshman. Another student, Robby, stated “I actually had to log out and go to class this morning.” He sounded incredibly distraught.

While some students are still using Facebook, many are having a hard time balancing school, Facebook, and video games. One University student claimed, “This University thing would be awesome if I didn’t have class. I hang out with my friends via Facebook and rock Call of Duty with my friends. With these classes now I have to choose to devote my free time to either Facebook or video games.”

Not all students are concerned. One Junior confessed that he actually has more time because he brings his computer to class to “take notes” but really spends his time on facebook. “Normally I spend my free time hiking mountains or biking, but class restricts me to a chair for an extended period of time. It is a perfect place to catch up on the bomber trails my friends are hitting.”

University officials declined to comment on the situation, but chances are they would talk about how athletes had been low on Facebook time all break while preparing for the Rose Bowl. Now the athletes get some time to catch up on their friends while everyone else is studying for classes.

Many of these classes are taught by so-called professors one of which stated, “School is here to learn things, and a lot of that learning is done in classes. Other learning happens because people have to go to class. Either way, class is an important part of school. I understand these students complaints about their Facebook time, but they should really get over it.” This has received a lot of agreement from other professors and even some students, some of which have said, “I don’t even have a Facebook.”

These changes are not permanent and classes are expected to end in about 10 weeks. There is a rumor that another set of classes may resume shortly after, but the students will worry about that when it comes. Many students are patiently waiting for classes to end so that Facebook time will resume, and very few violent protests are expected to occur.

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