US Soccer Gone Fowl

chicken-soccerChicago, IL

With national teams around the world fighting for spots in next years world cup, many coaches are beginning to take drastic measures to ensure success in the qualifying tournaments. In the US,  National teams coach Steve Sampson announced a change to the teams roster that will now include two roosters, affectionately named Talons and Beakers the Soccer Star, who Sampson saw kicking a ball on the side of the road while driving  through Fresno, CA, last weekend.

Though the birds are vastly undersized and unable to either comprehend verbal commands from the coach nor the rules and play of the game of soccer, coach Sampson is optimistic about the addition of the two fowls. “These roosters are made for soccer, case in point the talons. We don’t have to buy ’em shoes or shin guards because nature has already bought them for us. They are completely ready to compete on a competitive level. They’ve been practicing with the rest of the guys for a couple weeks now and the coaching staff thinks really likes the progress they’re making. Especially Beakers the Soccer Star who has really picked up his game defensively”.

But some team members are reluctant of playing with poultry, when asked about the desision nearly the whole team has publicly come forward and questioned Sampson’s reasoning behind the addition of the  two roosters to the squad. Most vocal amongst the dissenters is forward Jozy Altidore, “They cant keep up! There fuckin’ legs are too short, and that shit Sampson is feeding you about “improved defense” is nothing more than Beakers jumping on our backs with his talons and pecking our backs. Its annoying, and it’s sure to get him a red card.” When asked why, with so much dissent from his players, would Sampson push to put the roosters on the team the coach brought out two rooster sized US soccer jerseys and asked the room of reporters just how cute the two birds would look in them.

As cute as the birds will look in those tiny little jerseys the true test of the birds worth will come on the soccer field in international play.

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Declaration of Independence in Google Wave

preamble

For all of you out there, like us here, who have Google Wave already, check out this Link. It is the Declaration of Independence. At first it looks kinda boring, just the document transfered into Wave. But then go and hit playback. Not only is it somewhat informative, it is kind of amusing as well.

It also to some extent shows what Google Wave can do in terms of collaborative editing. Or for education. It is a great tool.

From the Google Students Blog Twitter

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Illiterate Poet Wins Major Award

In an attempt to connect the users of cleverpork central with culture and art from around the world this writer gladly presents to you Carla Rosedale’s 2009 Carlo Betocchi Poetry Prize winning poem “Gladder Flub en Tonnino”. It is short, but the form and the meter at which Rosedale constructs her poetry really presents an ironic view of language, making it as though their is no meaning or form to the written word at all. That unique critique on the written word asks the reader to take a look at their own words, their own language, in a powerfully existential way and critically examine how they participate in language in their own life. Extremely controversial for her unique prose, critics of Rosedale’s work bring up that she is illiterate and her ‘creativity’ is because she is illiterate and not because she is some kind of poetry genius. I ask the reader to keep an open mind, and to try and see the genius of Rosedale’s work for what it is. Enjoy…


Gladder Flub en Tonnino

by

Carla Rosedale

Gladder flub en tonnion/rank c&ts neens flush. Jurr*gin womp senserino, embiggen/ turhing q1aknk flooben, m@kajd/ WAAAAAAAJDJD, foe%erdd, dhubb/ grrriup grruiup grrip akjdi ajjjd 9 joajd  iej $5 dlokend denddd kkohn rabbit.



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Zoo Replaces Dead Polar Bears With Fakes

Wfake pbearhen you have an issue with your polar bears dying why not replace them with fake bears. I mean that’s what we did with my aunt. We replaced her with a fake bear. No one noticed.

Ok but seriously this brings up an important question. How many of those animals you see in the zoo have been made into anamatronics. Zoo Disney anyone?

Originally posted at riverfronttimes.com

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Business Energy Tax Credit

Cleverpork Central is often a comedy site, but there are things that we believe strongly about and will bring to the forefront of conversation. Anything filed under “Serious” is not a joke, even if it seems counter to everything else on this site.

Recently, Chris Cunningham had to write a 1000 word essay on the business energy tax credit in Oregon. This essay was designed to be written like a blog post, so he felt it would be a good idea to just post it on his blog. What follows is the essay in it’s entirety.

Giving incentives to companies who want to bring green energy solutions to Oregon is a great concept. However, there are quite a few problems with the Business Energy Tax Credit (BETC) that make it very inefficient. If the costs of the BETC are unable to be controlled, then the project should be removed.

The BETC is a tax credit that companies can apply for. There is a maximum of $10 million that can be given, but companies can split up their projects and ask for $10 million for each section. The rules designating what can count for the tax credit are very loose, allowing 98% of requests to be granted so far.

Read More »

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Googling Fights Dementia


Saving the world since 1996

Saving the world since 1996



In a recent study, scientists have found that googling stuff on the internet actually encourages blood flow and a healthy brain. This is yet another reason why I love Google, it is making people healthier.

Before we had a search-based internet, everyone would put in a specific site that they wanted to access which provided them a service. When Google came around they emphasized finding information instead of providing a service and radically changed the internet. Now Google is a verb. It doesn’t matter what search engine you use, Google has likely affected how you perceive the internet. Beyond that, it has affected how I use all computers. I don’t worry about organizing applications because I just a key combo on my keyboard and search for the application.

This constant searching apparently has benefits beyond making information and services easier to find. Every time you think about finding something new, or just surf the internet, you are constantly making small decisions and problem solve for solutions. Deciding how to phrase a search to return the best results requires some thought.

the study showed that using Google to find information stimulated the same parts of the brain, and in a similar way, as solving a sudoku puzzle or starting a new hobby. The difference here is that you are constantly finding NEW information. Every new search is just that, brand new. Doing sudoku puzzles for an hour a day to me would seem much more draining and would get boring much faster than googling things for and hour a day.

Moral of the story is that those Bing commercials asking what searching has done to us are absurd. Searching isn’t a problem, it is a brain workout. By searching all the time we are keeping our brains healthy and fighting dementia.

Via National Geographic News

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Zombie Week ’09 Comes To An End

Chris the Young Zombie

File image of Cleverpork Central founder Chris during a nasty bout of zombification

Zombie week on Cleverpork Central has Come to an end. We thank you all for your readership over these days. We hope that you all have enjoyed the experience as much as we have. Some of us might not have survived the ordeal (I haven’t heard from Pat in days) but we will do anything to keep you all entertained.

Keep your eyes open in the future for more themed weeks. While zombies are very commonly used these days to boost popularity, our researchers are continually exploring new possibilities in hype generation.  Until then, however, it is time to put the theme scheme back into it’s storage bin.

Now we’re off to party like it’s the last party ever. Because it is, at least for most of us. Go hone your skills and live well!

To see all posts from Zombie Week, use the categories on the right or click here.

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Found photo details electronics shopping in the late 1800s

Eager consumers line up for the midnight release of a new product called "the lightbulb."

Eager consumers gather for the midnight release of a new product called "the light bulb."

Cleverpork Central is proud to bring you a recently discovered photo of retail giant Best Buy’s predecessor: Supreme Purchase.

According to documents attached to the photo, the oft-forgotten chain primarily sold telegraphs — strange metal machines that allowed the transmission of what we might today call “text messages.” Cell phone towers had terrible coverage back then, because they simply didn’t exist.

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Zombie Mathematics

Earlier this year a group of mathematician from Canada published a paper in the journal “Infectious Disease Modelling Research Progress” examining the ability to model a zombie apocalypse using current infectious disease models (with a few modifications). What they determined was that if zombies were to exist (without a cure or massive military action, which they also looked at) then the only outcome was everyone becoming a zombie. To use more technical terminology, the only stable equilibrium was all zombie. In their analysis they found this to be true with a virus (or whatever) that acted quickly, slowly and if they included quarantine of the infected/zombies as well. The only situations where it might be possible (according to their study) to survive a zombie apocalypse was if 1) there was a cure developed (although the world would be mostly zombies) or 2) if you had a group of survivors and were able to use the military to attempt to kill off every zombie (which I would have liked the authors to bulk up a little more).

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Posted in Science, Zombie Week | Tagged | Comments closed

SpY

An Artist based in Madrid. He makes public interventions, that one might relate too graffiti. Though, they are more like installations that just happen to be on public property. These were just some of my favorites, check all the other stuff on his website.

http://www.spy.org.es/about.php

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